We are heading into Week 9 of the NFL season -- virtually, half the season has been completed -- which means it's time that I bang out a Power Rankings Column. I deliver these rankings via Menu Style counting down from the unsatisfactory to the optimum.
The Appetizer That's So Large In Proportion, It Ruins Your Main Course: ladies and gentleman your 32) Oakland Raiders. Al Davis's team (once again) has all the tangibles too be classified in a league of it's own. Too name a few of the problems: the quarterback has officially reached the "I have created a new grading scale to evaluate 'QB Rating'" status; all kinds of reported allegations toward head coach Tom Cable; and players who just don't care -- repeat: DON'T CARE -- (see: Quarterback Jemarcus Russell). The truth is this: everyone knows how bad this franchise has been since the Super Bowl XXXVII.
The Normal Appetizers: 31) Tampa Bay, 30) Cleveland, 29) St. Louis, 28) Detroit, and 27) Kansas City.
All five teams are abysmal in almost every statistical category. Personally, I predicted the Buccaneers to win one game which you can look at in my 2009 NFL Prediction piece here: http://numonefan.com/locker_room/view/207.
As for the Browns, Rams, Lions, and Chiefs -- these teams could possibly be right in Tampa Bay's wheel-house at the end of the season. So, without further-ado, what should I set the Over/Under at for total wins in this category. Let's say 10, and I'll take the under. Good deal. Moving on ...
The Salad and The Dressing: 26) Tennessee and 25) Washington tie for the Salad selection, and at 24) Seattle is your fat-free dressing.
The Titans have switched quarterbacks and the Redskins have changed play-callers. Can you blame either team. At this point, these teams are trying to find any tweaks they can to either A) save their coach or B) make players with the "Hope" instinct.
The Seahawks have lost a number of people to injuries. At this rate, Matt Hasselback is playing behind five guys (the offensive ine) who were picked off the local Seattle high school rugby team. However, this team could still somehow win the NFC West. Which brings up the, "Don't We Always Have This Talk About How Bad You Can Be And Still Win The NFC West" conversation. Seriously. Enough.
The Lengthy Soup Selection: 23) Carolina, 22) Buffalo, 21) Jacksonville, 20) Miami, 19 )San Francisco, 18) New York Jets, and 17) Chicago.
Why is this particular list so long? It's like one of those restaurants that have an extraordinary amount of coup selections ... it's very hard to choose. Which means all of these teams could still win 10 games (including Carolina and Buffalo), but you can't decide which two will satisfy your appetite and come through.
"Sorry I Almost Forgot Your Drink" 16) New York Giants 15) Houston, 14) Arizona 13) San Diego, and 12) Green Bay.
Sometimes we forget how good these teams can be because they have left us with a question mark. Questions like: Are the Giants still good, or are they just bad and we didn't want to admit it? This definitely is NOT the year the Texans break out -- we thought wrong -- or not ... ? (Still up in the air by the way.) Or the teams leave statements to be said such as these: This is the last time I take Ladainian Tomlison in a Fantasy Football Draft! Or ... This is the last time I predict the Chargers to win the Super Bowl! I've had it! Seriously! (OK, that was a personal statement.) And lastly, Green Bay's offensive line is so bad, you could not hide the anorexic Olsen twins behind them and get away with it.
"It Comes With Sides" 11) Atlanta, 10) Dallas, 9) Pittsburgh, 8) Cincinnati, 7) Baltimore, 6) New England, and 5) Philadelphia.
We all know that extra corn or that extra bed of rice we leave out so we can leave room for our entire entree and dessert. Where am I going with this analogy? Well, one (or a couple) of these teams WILL BE left out come playoff time. Most of these teams have prolific offenses or defense and great coaches, but I GUARANTEE that one of these teams will NOT make the postseason. Moving on.
Entree For Two: 4) Denver and 3) Indianapolis
I wanted to include the Eagles in this list to make it a party of three ... (because they are in my "Predicted Super Bowl" -- Chargers vs. Eagles), but I resisted. Somehow. Can we just admit that these are two of the biggest surprises.
I don't have an agenda. This is what I know: at this point, I do not know if the Colts have a head coach. Seriously. Jim Caldwell is not a real person in my mind, and Peyton Manning is the coach. Meanwhile, the Broncos have a kid raking in wins as a first-year head coach. No need to elaborate. This is WHY we love the NFL.
"Care For Dessert? ... um ... YES!" 2) Minnesota and 1) New Orleans Saints.
If you looked at my Prediction Column, you know that I said this ... "NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Minnesota Vikings vs. Philadelphia Eagles (Note: I absolutely love New Orleans, but just could not DO IT!)" Well I have to say that I regret that now.
Take it for what it is, because it is what it is. I have said a million and one times since Week 1, "I am NOT picking against the Saints until they lose!"
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