Tuesday Tantrum - - Vol. 16

After a couple weeks off, I am rejuvenated, refueled, and more anxious than Regis is to get off the set of "Regis and Kelly" to write my weekly Tuesday Tantrum column.

So many ludicrous events have happened since I have been gone. From the NBA Draft to ... hold on ... (Yes, I am going to say it) soccer.

Lets start off by talking soccer so I can just get it over with -- sorry soccer fans.

CONFEDERATION CUP:

As an American, it was nice to be a USA soccer fan for 24 hours. But now its over. I am not going to bang on soccer because I do think its much bigger than the NHL, however, did you watch this Confederation Cup Final?

Lets start with my three complaints.

1) The horns being played by South American fans (who were rooting for the U.S.A.). The horns literally sounded like a swarm of bees. I would take the over on 50 percent of America who (most likely) muted their televisions. This was a headache and unnecessary.

2) South American fans. Not only did they blow their horns like a symphony that is opening for the Pope's to speak, but they rooted for the Americans. This was completely out of control because they only rooted for one simple reason. They cheered for the USA Team because Brazil had beaten them in the semifinal game. "Seesh." "Jeesh." No words can describe how this should make American soccer fans feel. What a low way of being nice. This is like Lauren Conrad going to Spencer and Heidi's ("SPEIDI") wedding because she just wanted to show the public how nice she can be... yet faking being happy.

3) There is no specific way of describing how I felt about the 2-0 blown lead by Team USA. Tim Howard may have not been able to save the last (game winning) goal, but the first two were slightly easy. How do you let Brazil score in the first minute of the second half when all the momentum, all the energy, all the power, was on Team USA's side and they absolutely blew it!!!

NBA DRAFT:

Lets start with the winners.

San Antonio Spurs- How does a team with no first round draft picks land DeJuan Blair!?!? (That deserved a combo of exclamation and question marks... don't argue). They already traded for Richard Jefferson -- a "primetime" athlete and scorer. The Spurs are still old and have injury prone issues, but this makes them younger and more reliable. Blair is to the Spurs as Kendrick Perkins is to the Boston Celtics. But he could be a Glen "Big Baby" Davis.

Chicago Bulls- Not to be hypothetical, but IF the Bulls can sign both Ben Gordon and Luol Deng, they are going to be an absolute gem of a team. I thought drafting James Johnson (SF- Wake Forest) and Taj Gibson (SF- USC) were fantastic picks. They got "what could be," two really good backup small forwards that are versatile.

Losers- Insert here: Minnesota right? No. Not worth mentioning. We all know they totally flopped by selecting two point guards in Ricky Rubio and Johnny Flynn (who I adored in this draft). Instead, I'd have to say that the loser of this draft was not a team, it was a player (you could see this from zillions of miles away) Blake Griffin. He is going to a franchise that is ran by the most pathetic GM/Head Coach in the history if the NBA -- Mike Dunleavy."What do you call an NBA coach who's 194-298 with the Clips?" A: "Still employed!!! The guy is a mess, the franchise is a mess, and the team's history is a scale 10 earthquake still rattling. Good luck Blake, history is not on your side.

Letter To The Unemployed

*A BASH TO MR.FLOYD*

Dear Tim Floyd,

On behalf of the University of Southern California we would like to thank you for you slimy grease ball attitude toward our university.

Tim Floyd; Your greasier than a fast-food apron, your a cheap wad who paid "under the counter money" to a recruit (OJ "don't hold the MAYO") who could have went anywhere, and most of all, you cornered yourself so bad, you had to "give up" like Regis Philbin does everyday when he's constipated.

Your a laugh-out-loud kind of of coach. You told your payers in a speech at the USC Basketball banquet that you were not going to leave USC ... period. 12 hours later, your on a plane talking to Arizona directors. Get serious buddy. Your a tremendously overrated coach who proved absolutely nothing in the NBA and now you expose yourself in a sport that's already got enough "sleeze balls." (Note to John Callipari: Your next. Be aware. You do not want to be in a sticky kind of situation like this because it completely ruins a legacy.)

We are proud to say that we fired you because of your lack of a "get it" quality. Now we can go hire Oregon State's Craig Robinson or maybe even "The General" -- Robert Montgomery Knight -- to get us out of this ludicrous situation.

But we owe an apology to ourselves too. We should have never believed you recruited OJ Mayo the right way. We are not even the best team in our area code, UCLA is. (Note to UCLA: you'll be in this position for the next decade after this debacle. Never. Ever. Ever. Everrrr let go of Ben Howland. Make him scream for mercy before he retires.)

So again. Thank you Mr. Floyd (We call you mister because your no longer and never ... ever ... will be ... a Division I basketball coach). You certainly disappointed a beautiful university that prides itself on three things: 1) Football 2) Gorgeous L.A. women and 3) Snoop Dogg.

Sincerely,

So Cal's Best...

Tuesday Tantrum - - Vol. 13 & 14

I feel terrible, but I have not have the opportunity the last two weeks to publish my "TUESDAY TANTRUM" post on here... so here you go -- two late versions of the weekly Tuesday Tantrum article(s)... ENJOY! 

THIS WEEK'S Version

CLEVELAND:

Of course, I have to rip the Lebron fiasco that happened over the weekend.. My opinion – If you want to be cooperate, you have to act cooperate. I’m fine with not shaking hands after the game because it’s in the “heat of the moment,” but grow up and talk to the media. You have your half-hour to calm down and take a shower, now go talk to the media and be a big boy. The reality is – bad blood in sports = fantastic sports. If Rashard Lewis did this, no one would talk about it. But because Lebron did it, it’s a big deal. When you want to be the first billionaire athlete and you have admitted you want to be the CEO, the burden is – you have to show up.

Real leadership is being there at the worst of times. You have to embrace the establishment you have built. You want to be cooperate, be cooperate. You want to be anti-establishment be anti-establishment. Pick a side. If Lebron wants to be this Opera-Starbucks-McDonalds-Nike basketball guy and he wants to be “The King,” you have to lead the kingdom. Once you’re the face of the NBA, it is a classless act to not to embrace the media after a tough loss. As a cooperate icon, you get all the marketing and free publicity…back it up.

CLEVELAND:

Staying in the city of Rock and Roll, what is Eric Mangeni thinking!? In case you have not heard, he is having a “voluntary” (wink wink, nudge, nudge) bus trip for all rookies to go to Hartford, Connecticut. The Browns newly acquainted coach, Eric Mangeni, wants the rookies to take this long bus trip “if they want to” (wink wink wink) and help with his football camp. First of all this is not voluntary, this is mandatory you mine as well say. And it’s completely ludicrous. The reports are saying that no one has complained. Well duh. No rookie is going to oppose to a road trip that “their” new head coach is asking to go on in this tumultuous economy.

Think about the idea for a second… If your boss asked you to go on a 20-hour bus ride to do some of “HIS” charity work… would you do it? The fact of the matter is, it’s totally unreasonable.

Listen, no one complains about Fidel Castro in Cuba. But when the Cubans get the chance, they are hopping on an inner tube. This idea of a 20-hour bus drive (Cleveland-Hartford and back to Cleveland) is completely wacky. Not to mention that Man”genius” has said he is flying to Hartford, but he will rie the bus back with the team. Give me a break. I have nothing else to say, but this is a garbage idea.

LAST WEEK'S Version

LOS ANGELES:

Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum…

WAKE UP! You’re in the Western Conference Finals.

I mean Bynum is playing with about as much enthusiasm as a porn actress filming her 12th scene in nine days. Meanwhile, Odom is having the best “pursuing the inbound throw-in” playoff series in the history of the NBA. But that’s about all he has done productively. But 50 percent of the credit goes to Trevor Arizza for anticipating the throw and actually stealing the basketball.

The two have combined for a whopping 66 points in 201 minutes. How in the world does a legitimate 7’ 11” and 6’ 10” player not produce more? A guy from Glenn College, who has more tattoos than Carey Hart and Dennis Rodman combined and hair that takes away from Donald Trump’s fame, is manufacturing a better playoff series than the two of them together (Chris “Birdman” Anderson).

Get out of Hugh Hefner’s crib Andrew and Lamar… well… just start your trade campaign.

CLEVELAND:

Le”brick” James get your tee times set up because the Cleveland Cavaliers are finished after an overtime Game 4 loss last night (116-114 ORL leads 3-1).

Take the emotion out of it, and say it out loud. I am going to smoke a cigarette. Does that sound right? Read the Orlando Magic’s roster out loud then read Cleveland’s. If you are in a pick up game and you had both rosters right in front of you, who are you going to access on your team… more Cavs players or more Magic players? With the exception of Lebron James and Mo Williams, who is only good when he’s “on,” who else are you taking over Dwight Howard, Rashard Lewis, Rafer Alston, and of course, the “Dirty Turk” himself, Hedo Turkoglu?

I hope you understand where I am going with this.

Orlando is the better team. Yes, Cleveland was fantastic against the West, but if they somehow-someway make a historical comeback, remember the four teams they lost to (New Orleans, Houston, and Los Angeles twice). Cleveland is your “Fools Gold” of the playoffs.

When you game plan against one guy, it’s pretty easy to figure out. It boils down to players. You may call him “King James,” but he may never wear the crown.

And where did this spectacular Cleveland defense go? That’s all anyone ever wanted to talk about coming into the playoffs. That statement was a gigantic myth. The first eight games the Cavs allowed an average of just 78 points, now they are playing a couple bonified superstars, and the Magic are lighting it up for an average of 100 points a game. Michael Cooper could slow down Larry Bird and Joe Dumars could slow down Michael Jordan. Ok. So Lebron is going to get “his.” It’s the question if his supporting cast can be more productive than toe lent.

Don’t forget that these two franchises are here to stay. But I would consider Orlando the second most attractive city outside Los Angeles for the next decade. They have an uprising superstar, gorgeous weather, no state tax, and Disney World. Orlando has the best opportunity to win multiple championships, not Cleveland – they need to lay some new carpet down and fabricate their team because Bron Bron’s supporting cast “ain’t” doing “it” for him.