Letter To The Unemployed

*A BASH TO MR.FLOYD*

Dear Tim Floyd,

On behalf of the University of Southern California we would like to thank you for you slimy grease ball attitude toward our university.

Tim Floyd; Your greasier than a fast-food apron, your a cheap wad who paid "under the counter money" to a recruit (OJ "don't hold the MAYO") who could have went anywhere, and most of all, you cornered yourself so bad, you had to "give up" like Regis Philbin does everyday when he's constipated.

Your a laugh-out-loud kind of of coach. You told your payers in a speech at the USC Basketball banquet that you were not going to leave USC ... period. 12 hours later, your on a plane talking to Arizona directors. Get serious buddy. Your a tremendously overrated coach who proved absolutely nothing in the NBA and now you expose yourself in a sport that's already got enough "sleeze balls." (Note to John Callipari: Your next. Be aware. You do not want to be in a sticky kind of situation like this because it completely ruins a legacy.)

We are proud to say that we fired you because of your lack of a "get it" quality. Now we can go hire Oregon State's Craig Robinson or maybe even "The General" -- Robert Montgomery Knight -- to get us out of this ludicrous situation.

But we owe an apology to ourselves too. We should have never believed you recruited OJ Mayo the right way. We are not even the best team in our area code, UCLA is. (Note to UCLA: you'll be in this position for the next decade after this debacle. Never. Ever. Ever. Everrrr let go of Ben Howland. Make him scream for mercy before he retires.)

So again. Thank you Mr. Floyd (We call you mister because your no longer and never ... ever ... will be ... a Division I basketball coach). You certainly disappointed a beautiful university that prides itself on three things: 1) Football 2) Gorgeous L.A. women and 3) Snoop Dogg.

Sincerely,

So Cal's Best...